Munchies, Mellieha

Munchies Mellieha lr

Malta Restaurant Review – Friday 20th May 2016

For dinner we went to Munchies at Ghardira Bay (Mellieha Beach) to meet a couple of friends. It was lovely to see them and we enjoyed their company but the food was atrocious! I think the restaurant should change its name to Winalot because their food really is only fit to serve to a dog. I would rate it as the second worst meal since coming to Malta and what’s more, it cost a fortune and was quite possibly the most expensive meal we have had since coming to Malta!

Malta has fantastic bread but for some unfathomable reason Munchies serves dry, bland white rolls. That’s bad enough when they are a “freebie” but I ordered the bruschetta for my starter which turned out to be those same white rolls, cut in half, dried out even further, and served with a variety of “toppings”. Think a tiny slice of tasteless brie, or tomato puree, or tasteless pate or a more traditional mix of chopped onions, tomatoes, herbs and garlic but really badly done. Not a hint of oil, all dry as a buzzards eye and, worse than that, clearly the work of a chef who doesn’t give a toss. I could expect better from a five year old. Has he no pride at all? A decent bruschetta is one of the easiest things on the planet to make and any chef who doesn’t manage it is lazy and incompetent and should be summarily sacked and sentenced to work at the local sewerage works with no chance of parole. He’d feel right at home there.

But how about your main course, I hear you ask? Well, I ordered the 24 hour cooked belly pork. 24 days more like. It was dry and chewy and tasteless and if that wasn’t bad enough, it came with dry cous cous and even drier “roasted” potatoes. I asked for gravy which turned out to be a bowl of diced vegetables in a sauce of some sort, and it did help to moisten the dish, but really the whole thing was to fine dining what Adolf Hitler was to world peace. It never should have seen the light of day.

I am at a loss to understand restaurants like Munchies. The food I ordered – bruschetta and belly pork – are so easy to cook well that even a lazy, ASBO wielding moron should be able to make them well. I can only assume that Munchies feels that because it is on the water’s edge and fills easily, that it doesn’t need to give a monkey’s and can get away with serving over priced garbage as long as it wants and still fill its tables.

My recommendation – no surprise here – go on a food-free diet, eat at McDonalds, lick the pavement, suck the exhaust of a 30 year old Ford Cortina or gnaw the gum from a handy lamp post – anything has got to be better than eating at Munchies.